Unimaginable

I'm having a very hard time this weekend doing anything productive. Friday’s horrific events in Newtown, CT have me stunned and paralyzed. To go on with mundane activities of everyday life, or even Christmas shopping or creating, seems beyond my capabilities and even offensive.

I've been a preschool teacher and mentor teacher for over 20 years. We've practiced these "intruder, or I call them----bunny in the hole" drills numerous times. And, I will admit, I have felt frustrated with having to practice something so "out there and unrealistic." And, then try to explain to the children, why we’re practicing something that requires them to be crammed into a corner, to be quiet, in the dark while I lock the door and draw the blinds.

But, now, it's not unimaginable or unrealistic. It is someone’s reality. Many someone’s! I can't even imagine the terror, the emotion, the utter disbelief that went through those teachers minds. The children were probably unable to really process what was happening. But the teachers.... they knew exactly what was coming. They had time to think it through. They had time to think about their own kids or their own friends in other parts of the building. Unimaginable!!!!

I can now fully understand what makes a Hero. What would I have done? How would I have reacted? Would I have been as brave? Would I have been able to hold it together to do what needed to be done?

I just don't know...

So, that's where I am this weekend, unable to create, or listen to Christmas music, or put up my tree. I sit here and every time I turn on the TV and hear more, I just cry! How can I go on knowing how my "job" has now changed, Greatly! I guess it really hasn't changed, but my understanding of it and my responsibility has definitely changed.

I leave you with an address I found on-line, pray for those lives lost, for the families that are left behind and for the world to be a safer place to send our children each and every day to get an education. Please send a card to let them know we care and our thougths and prayers are with them.